The Juggling Act


I’m often asked, “Single Screenwriter, is it possible to date AND to be a successful screenwriter all at the same time?”

Why yes. Yes it is.

The trick is to date a producer, or a potential producer (def: someone with a boatload of cash). That combo works great. It’s magical. The stuff that dreams are made of….

Dating a regular person? That’s a little more futile harder. I mean, they have needs, and demand attention and time and sex and stuff. And they won’t wait up until 3AM on a work night ‘til you’ve purged your latest idea onto paper and might actually be able to interact with them. How inconsiderate of them.

So what's a poor writer to do when there are no single, hot producers handy? Are we all destined to wander this world alone with no one to pop our back zits or tell us when our fly is down?

The logical solution would be to date another writer. I mean, they'd understand the strange work hours and the periodical disregard for personal hygiene. And what could be better than having someone around to bounce all those crazy ideas off of who would actually get it rather than run screaming for the hills? Right? Dating a fellow writer sounds perfect.

In a word (actually two) - Bad idea. Worse than bad.

Writers are narcissistic, demanding, stubborn asses. Don't believe me? Ask any of your ex flames. They'll set you straight on the sheer hell of having a threesome with you and your muse. Sure it excited them at first. Made them want you more. But soon the body image issues crept in and, lets face it, your muse is always going to be hotter, sexier and more alluring than they could ever be. So after a sizable sum of money was spent on prescription drugs or cosmetic enhancements of the medical variety, they gave up the fight and dumped your ass.

If they tell you anything else, they're lying, just being nice, or hoping you'll land a big script sale so they can get back together with you and spend your fortune.

Still not convinced that dating a writer is a bad idea? Well think of it this way - would you really want to date yourself?

(I apologize for having to give you that terrible image, but someone had to smack some sense into you! Now pull yourself together and stop with the convulsing, and read on.)

Writers aren't all bad. They are pretty damn amazing in bed (and you should get on your knees and praise Jesus if you land one, 'cause the night you're in for is gonna be.... *ahem* I digress). Writers are also very funky people, and when lured away from the keyboard, they are absolutely some of the most creative, intelligent, and empathetic people on the planet. They really do bring some pretty good stuff to the table.

So if you're ever faced with a potential writer/writer match up, tread cautiously and weigh the pros and cons. It can be complicated.

My advice is to keep it simple and go for that hot producer – but sleep with the writer first.




Amazing picture from xtylerclub

3 comments:

  1. We don't strategically date very well.

    Actresses date actors, directors, producers, agents. And it helps them. A lot.

    Do you know screenwriters who hit the red carpet with their hot director or producer or actor boyfriend? Because I don't.

    Screenwriters date other screenwriters. And drive each other crazy.

    It's pathetic.

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  2. Yes, we are a masochistic bunch, but I like to think of it as research. Bad relationships make for good scripts.

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  3. Well I am going to have to disagree with dating producers. There is a limited number of effective single producers in Hollywood and if you run through those in a dating frenzy there are going to be career probs.

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