All Ye Who Seek Knowledge

80% of my life is spent here

Dating. Scriptwriting.

These two quests alone have caused more sleepless nights, more angst, more blood, sweat and tears, more wars, more motor vehicle accidents, and more hand lotion purchases than all other mysteries of the universe combined. Yes, since man first stood upright and figured out how to bash in another man's head with a rock, the lure of successful dating and scriptwriting has driven every human action. And still, the path to success remains clouded in mystery.

Lucky for you, dear reader, your path has led you here to the one guru who can lead you to enlightenment on both subjects.

But why blog on both topics together?

Oh, naive seeker of knowledge, the two are more connected than you could believe. You clearly came here seeking insider tips on the opposite sex or insider tips into producer minds, or if you're as self destructive as I am, both. The two are much the same beast. They both quest for that mythical ‘O’ moment, (although one takes much longer to get to than the other), and success at either requires pretty much the same game plan. And besides, I’m a busy person. I can’t spend all day blogging, so I’m combining the two whether you like it or not. I am the guru here, after all.

On that note, I guess I should tell you a little bit about what makes me so overqualified on achieving ‘O’ moments that my status is elevated to the ranks of guru.

It’s simple. I have quested for dating and screenwriting success, and have lived to tell the tale. Hard to believe, I know, but true.

I have been in the dating trenches. I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of what the dating world offers. I have mastered the art of charting time between intimate encounters, not by days or weeks, but by months and years. I have used that time wisely and developed a somewhat healthy, if not slightly dependent, relationship with my showerhead, and I have written countless drivel articles on dating, relationships, weddings, marriage, sex, and divorce. I have yet to explore the topic of geriatric sex, but feel sure that with 50 or 60 years of practice, I will be a goddess of information on that subject too.

As to scaling the mucho-fortified wall that surrounds Hollywood and achieving a seven-figure overnight success script sale ‘O’ moment, I have yet to achieve that. So how do I dare call myself a guru on the script sale ‘O’? Well, I've got several script notches on my bedpost, have been a contest reader, and have been courted and turned down by more producers than Tiger Woods has had lovers. Oh, and I’ve actually sat through a movie or two - so that pretty much makes me vastly over qualified as a screenwriting guru compared to many others out there.

And besides, I'm awesome. What more reason do you need to listen to me?

So come, gentle seeker. I invite you to join me on my blogging journey as I explore and unravel these two great mysteries - sometimes together, sometimes apart - but always insightful. I'll offer up weekly dating and writing tips that dish out gems of wisdom such as, "Submissions in Crayon - Yay or Nay?," and, "Lying in your Online Dating Profile - Creative Writing at its Best?," or, "How to Stalk Without Getting Arrested." (See, that last one demonstrates perfectly how dating and scriptwriting are not just bastard-cousin close – they are one in the same.

Are you ready for your ‘O’?



Fabulous picture by Olivander

5 comments:

  1. If by different, you mean fabulous, you are absolutely right! However, if different implied a little off, strange or wrong... Well you're right on that too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay, glad to see you're blogging, looking forward to more more more.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice blog! It's different in a good way. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Cinemagypsy and Ryan! The same can be said for good scripts and good sex... er dates.

    ReplyDelete